In the last year I’ve finally come out of a very long season of pain and frustration as a direct result of something I didn’t deserve…2006 was my last year in law enforcement… I was a Detective Sergeant and a SWAT team member… I was awarded officer of the year a few years before and had a reputation for being a cop with a heart for people…then, that December, I was trying to help a couple of guys who had gotten themselves in some trouble and out of nowhere these guys tried to kill me…
Their actions sent me down a very painful road of mandatory medical retirement, physical therapy and PTSD…at times I wondered if I would ever be normal again…
A little over 2 years ago, I was praying to God feeling very frustrated with my current condition 3 years after the attack and I said to God, “Don’t you think I’ve been in this season a long time?!”
I expected a response like, “Yes son, thy father seeth thee and thou shalt be a pillar of strength for my people…” or something encouraging like that…but what I got took me so by surprise that I laughed out loud… I heard God in that still small voice say, “Aaron, you had a lot to unlearn…”
It’s funny how we as human beings seem to take on the persona of KNOWING things that in all actuality we have no idea about!
Before going through that experience I had NO idea what it really meant to hurt… I judged other peoples pain but had no idea what it felt like to have to confront something like PTSD! In my ignorance, I simply judged people who were hurting and assumed that they were “weaker” than I was…Until I WAS that guy!
In my lifetime of religious indoctrination I had formulated a lot of perspectives and judgements as it pertained to people, their lifestyles and their belief systems because that was what was “taught” to me…and then I had an experience that revealed to me that all that I had been taught was not necessarily right… and I had to unlearn some things in order to be able to lead in the capacity that God has intended for me in this season.
Now, I’m not necessarily saying that I believe that God PUT the pain on me… But I AM convinced that he used it and worked it together for my good and strangely, the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through has also been the catalyst for my most significant growth…
As much as I would never want to go through that again, now, being on the other side of it…I’m glad that I did… I think sometimes the most difficult thing to do is continue to Trust God when nothing seems to make sense… but if you will run TO him instead of running FROM him in those seasons… I’m confident that he will work your pain around for your good as well… pressing in has its own challenges as it pertains to thinking differently but in the long run, you will be glad you did!
